The Regret

“When you want to go back the that moment to just feel it once again ,for one more time”.

For a girl ,hardest thing she faces in her lifetime is leaving her parents after her marriage and to make a new world for herself,accept new people  and create a new identity. Of-course no one says to change your name now a days but conceptually things do change.You are then better known as someone’s better half or a daughter in law.

Ok, let me go further,I am not someone out of pain and suffering here who is trying to vent her emotions out with the support of social media to gather courage or strength.On the contrary I am truly blessed to have a wonderful life partner and family.They have always showered their unconditional love and support on me throughout.But what about me and my people in the other roof?????

Its the regret within me and the regret which wants me to go back in the time to spend some more moments with them and to do things which I should have done otherwise.

We often say age plays it role and it does, trust me.As a teenager we get so influenced by the surrounding that we often take things for granted.Most importantly our own parents.Yes ,this is what is bothering me when I look back on myself under that roof.I have been so insensitive and inconsiderable with them .Just because they were my parents?????? Just because they never asked me to do anything for them or just because they did everything for me.

Now that I don’t stay with them any more my heart burns when I see them so alone ,so lonely .I feel is this what they deserve?I feel so ashamed with my own self for I know they don’t deserve this.They deserved a tea made by me in the time of stress,they deserved a foot massage after long day’s hard work, they deserved a “Sunday -Funday” with  my time dedicated just for them.But when you don’t value time ,time will not wait for you and this is exactly what happens with most of the human beings.In teenage we often become such a rebel that we somewhere disrespect our own parents and prioritize every other unimportant elements of our life.I wish I provided a helping hand to my mom in the kitchen ,I wish I took her out for a movie or encouraged my dad to take a family vacation instead of running behind my friends for temporary joys.I wish I played some old songs to them at night to make them forget their worries and I wish I held their hands for a simple walk by the beach.

I now do try to spend maximum time with them and provide them with more comforts from my side. But will this equal to undone things from past?No it won’t ,ever.

I carry this regret every single day now . But there is an affirmation within .I want to  ensure that their rest of the lives has “Me” in every possible way around and I can give them my best as they deserve it.

Love them forever & ever.

 

 

 

 

 

 

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The Agony!

It’s about that phase in a women’s life when the battle between the heart and mind makes her most miserable of all and compels her to go backwards in the time which she would like to redo again & again or probably think of undoing the current unpleasant sights for the rest of her life.

Yes, its about the battle of a daughter in law and a daughter .The heart that tears open into two facets of her life creates the agony which can be introspected & felt deeply only by her.

Her heart runs every second for those two important people of her life who not only nourished her with the best comforts but also made her realize that love is simply unconditional .This realization when bestowed upon with the different name tags creating a whole new personality,ruins the internal infant who is still longing to hold her daddy’s little finger and get warm sleep on her mommy’s lap. 

Life is unfair her heart would scream in excruciating pain amidst her sleep, uncountable tears that make her pillow wet eventually dries up with the rise of the new day. She gives her best to gather the courage to smile so that the world can once again say “oh she is a strong women, It’s the duty after all “.

Yet on hearing this , tears roll down once again on her cheek, biting her lips tightly she keeps numb for she has to preserve the promise she gave to the only God she knows ,the promise to smile forever and play the best roles as the laws of the society demands.

The salty water that blurs the vision makes the morsel the most difficult thing to swallow.Forcefully gulping it down reminds her of the time that she was once fed by utmost care & love to ensure she imbibes best strength of all.

However that same strength obstructs her from running to them to cry it out aloud & get a hug for one last time,to vent out the struggle she never ever imagined and to express the craving of being besides them forever.

Being married gives her a new name,a new place a new family but the world forgets that she is still a daughter who longs for that old shabby blanket & the little world she left forever , which once gave her immense contentment of being in this journey called “LIFE”and which is now the most difficult thing to find!!!

With undefinable love & gratitude for her parents,

A Daughter.

“Love you Mom & Dad forever” 

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